Exclusive: Never, never marry young... Says the Oye oye girl Sonam Khan
John Castro general
Tridev (1989) witnessed an unlikely alliance: the paragon of parallel cinema, Naseeruddin Shah, jived with teen sensation Sonam on the now-cult song Oye oye tirchi topiwale song. Inspired by Gloria Estefan’s Rhythm is gonna get you, the number made the unsuspecting Sonam a star overnight. Decades later, the ditty continues to serenade generations, ‘celebration’ being its genre. Sonam, who had a spectacular rise, doing around three dozen films, including Mitti Aur Sona, Lashkar, Kroadh, Ajooba, and Vishwatma, quit it all to wed filmmaker Rajiv Rai in 1991. A few years later, she came to know that her son, Gaurav Rai was autistic. Since then, she’s lived on several continents, trying to equip him with life skills and more. In the bargain, she acquired a survival kit for herself too, in which empathy and self-realisation dominate. Her marriage behind her, Sonam, at 51, is looking forward to a revival. She’s keen to rekindle her romance with the camera and herself...
Did you always want to be an actor?I wanted to be a teacher or an air hostess. I began working in film to support my family. I was the only child of my parents, Talat and Mushir Khan. I find it difficult to talk about them in the past tense. My mother passed away in 1999 and my dad in 2001. I lost them in a span of two years.
It’s said the late Yash Chopra gave you the name Sonam in your debut film, Vijay (1988).True. Yashji believed my actual name, Bakhtavar Khan, was too heavy for an actress. Coincidentally, both names have the same meaning. Bakhtavar means the fortunate one. While Sonam, supposedly a Tibetan name, also means ‘fortunate’.
You pulled off a bikini confidently and earned the tag ‘bikini girl’ after TridevI was comfortable with the tag. I’ve got a good body. I’d done decent work. However, my focus was on looking after my parents. Dad was a heart patient. Later, Mom fell ill. I took on their responsibility. The roles were reversed. I had no time for trivialities like tags.
How did life change for you after your overnight success?I was brought up in a middle-class family. My life revolved around my parents. I never attended parties or went to nightclubs. Nothing changed for me except the fact that I didn’t have to go to school. I was happy to work. The industry made me feel comfortable. The second film I signed was with the late Yash Joharji, though it never got made. He even gave me a signing amount for it. Yash Chopraji had asked Yash Joharji to sign me. He graciously did it to boost my morale. All these legends were so kind to me. The industry is like a family. If you want respect and love, you have to give them to others too. You can’t disrespect something you were part of and want to be part of.
The number Oye oye from Tridev (1989) was a rage. What kind of feedback did you receive?There were no social media or mobile devices then. But I do remember my driver telling me, ‘Madam, aapka gaana toh superhit ho gaya hai! Log sadak pe Oye oye gaa rahe hai. Also, in those days, a cricket match was held at the Wankhede Stadium, where the audience apparently began shouting Oye oye in excitement. I used to get letters written in blood. That would scare me. I also received marriage proposals.
Naseeruddin Shah, known for his art films, hit the limelight with Oye oye. How was he as a co-star?Naseer saab was humility personified. Not once did he make me feel that I must do this or that. He just let me be. People have the wrong idea about him. Yes, he’s outspoken. Not everyone has the guts to do so. Please leave the gentleman alone. His thoughts belong to him.
Between 1988 and 1994, you made around 35 films with top stars. What kind of relationship did you share with them?I was comfortable with everyone. Sanjay Dutt (Fateh, Insaaf Apne Lahoo Se) would joke on the set and lighten up the atmosphere. Govinda (Raiszaada, Aasman Se Ooncha, Baaz) would hold my hand and make me dance. Chunky Pandey (Mitti Aur Sona, Police Wala) was like a buddy. Mithun Chakraborthy (Aakhri Ghulam) encouraged me. Jackie Shroff (Aakhri Adaalat) was as dashing as ever. Chiranjeevi (Kodama Simham) and Prosenjit Chatterjee (Mandira) were thorough professionals. My age notwithstanding, Naseer saab (Vishwatma, Chor Pe Mor) was someone with whom I could have an intellectual conversation and learn something from. They were all top stars, but they agreed to work with me. I learned a lot from all my male co-stars.
Was there rivalry with the female co-stars?There was a lot of rivalry. Though nothing on the face. Today we have managers; in those days we had secretaries. So we’d get information about each other through them as the secretaries spoke with each other. Of course, I missed out on a lot of roles. So did other actresses. It’s part of the game. It happens everywhere.
You shared an affectionate bond with Vishwatma’s co-star, the late Divya Bharti.Divya and I were of the same age and shared a similar temperament. She was a fun person. She was almost 20 years ahead of her time. She’d fit in as a newcomer even today. I remember seeing her on the first day of shooting Vishwatma. It wasn’t that I hadn’t seen prettier girls than her. But I just kept looking into her eyes. I thought if, as a woman, I could keep staring at this girl, what effect would she have on men? Divya was stunning not only as a face but also as a person. We’d joke, laugh, and even fight, but we would always come around. She was a no-nonsense girl. If she didn’t like something, she’d speak her mind. When I was pregnant, she called me to say, “Sonam, you should look at the moon. Your child will be beautiful, even more beautiful than you are.” That was sweet. God bless her soul.You quit it all after marriage. Do you regret giving up a successful career?I have a lot of regrets. I shouldn’t have left work. One should never lose one’s identity. That’s why I am open about my age. I just celebrated my 51st birthday. Women should know that life isn’t over at 50. We all make mistakes. But you must own them, learn from them, and move forward. I made a mistake. So I am coming back. Let’s see what happens.
What did you do in the years in between?I travelled all around the world for my son. I was living out of suitcases. We visited Switzerland, America, and London in a loop to get Gaurav the best therapies. As such, there are no medications for autism. Autism is a condition that does not require medication, but there are other things associated with autism that could require medication. We returned to India in 2012. Gaurav was studying in Auroville, Tamil Nadu. We lived in Pondicherry for three or four years while he completed his education there. Today, my son is 30 and highly functioning. He filed my taxes; he travels all over the world alone. I’ve taught him to be happy in y company.
Is your son happy with your decision?Yes, he’s encouraging and also critical of me. He’s extremely intelligent. Looking after him and seeing the beautiful human being he’s grown into makes it all worthwhile. He’s all I have. I am all that he has. We make a good team.What kind of work are you looking for?I’m open to everything. I’m greatly interested in the OTT genre. There’s no age barrier. The content is rich. Every actor is important. It would suit my sensibilities.Would you resort to cosmetology to defy age?I wouldn’t resort to it. But I wouldn’t judge others. You must do whatever makes you happy. Botox doesn’t make me happy and fillers don’t make me happy so I wouldn’t do it. I’m proud of the fact that I’ve lived for 50 years. You should wear your lines with pride. We all have stories to tell.Do you believe in second chances?Of course. God gave me a second chance. I’m a spiritual person. I believe everything happens according to the will of the Almighty. I offer namaz five times a day. I’m looking forward to my life. I don’t dwell on the past. It takes a lot of guts to do that. Earlier, I was living in a bubble and was scared to come out of my comfort zone. It took perhaps a year to make this decision. If you’re not happy, you can’t make anyone happy.
What are the lessons you've picked up along the way?Never lose your identity and independence. Because once someone gets control over you, it’s a bad situation. And never, never, never marry young. It was not a question of being emotional. I’d have no brains whatsoever. I did something stupid and paid a big price for it. One thing my son has taught me is to be humble and kind. I was not like that before. He taught me empathy. Looking after him, I realised sympathy is a dirty word. What people need is empathy. Kindness doesn’t cost anything. You’ll be happier than the person you’ve made happy. It could be a gesture, monetary help, or a dua. Kindness is addictive. I’m far from being bitter. I’m brimming with life.How would you sum up your philosophy of life?If you’re fed up with your problems, lay them on the table along with other people’s problems. When you see others’ troubles, you’ll quietly take your own back. I want to move ahead and pick up where I left something unfinished. More on: Sonam Khan
